Guilt with Saying No

When you’re in a more stable financial space than your village, we often times struggle with saying no. At least I do.

I struggle saying no for a multitude of reasons - If I were in there shoes, I would want someone to help me or say yes. I have it so why not. I don’t want to disappoint the person asking.

I say yes often and in times when I really want to say no, mostly out of guilt. Don’t get me wrong, some of the yeses, I’m happy and feel good about. The ones I feel some type of way about come when the requests are frequent and come so close back to back. The time in between  is definitely a trigger. As a giving person, this often leads to feelings of being taken advantage of and no one controls that but us.

As a giving person and acknowledging the tug of war I can slip into, I have to check myself and check in on my emotions. Perfect example, the holidays. I do a LOT financially for my family throughout the year.  As the holiday approaches and I’m shopping for the kids, I naturally want to get things for the adults. Knowing that I will feel some time way, be it disappointed or hurt when it’s not reciprocated, I remind myself you do more than enough.  I think I also put an expectation on myself that they expect it and I’m sure that’s true. Knowing the sacrifices they make daily so that the kids can have and do certain things is what tugs at my heart and gives me the urge, the thought to do something for them. But because I have this complex of fairness and things being equal, I know the cause and effect it will have on me as it’s never reciprocated.   

What I’ve been learning over the years and applying is that I HAVE the power to control some of the emotional strain & stress I encounter.  By recognizing what’s the triggers and behaviors that cause me to go a dark place or  pull my energy out of alignment I work on not creating those opportunities. We can’t control how others respond, behave, or treat us BUT we CAN control how we move and the decides we make. We just have to be open and honest with ourselves and move in accordance.

Ironically enough some of this is principles to a Broke2Rich mindset. I’m a giving person and enjoy it. That’s step 2 of being comfortable in your own lane. I don’t from being a giving person, I acknowledge the events and triggers that make me not enjoy it and work to not put myself in that environment. I start saying no once I feel my energy start to tilt out of alignment. That’s step 6 of being comfortable saying no. I’m not obligated to say yes. Being aware of the triggers, honest with my feelings & myself and doing the work to change the circumstance is step 7, holding myself accountable. It’s no one’s responsibility to control my responses or protect my energy and peace but me.

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